Free as a Bird

Hello, lovelies!

I can't thank you enough for your sweet words of encouragement and support. You are so wonderful. Truly. I will be sharing more of my story soon (and replying in full to each of your kind emails), but at the moment am overwhelmed with trying to adjust to taking courses entirely in German; it's incredible how much energy focusing on understanding a foreign language takes!

I wanted to share with you, though, something incredible I discovered just yesterday. I have been watching three not-so-little eaglets and their parents via this live Ustream video; I am fascinated and become constantly more aware of my humanness as I watch. And wow, do they grow quickly! It's lovely and funny and awe inspiring.

Yesterday, however, I came across a live stream of a hummingbird's nest, a mama, and her two tiny babies. I don't know if I have ever seen anything more beautiful or enchanting. The nest is apparently made of lichen and cobwebs; mama's feathers are shimmery green and cream and she is the closest thing to a fairy I have ever seen. It's absolutely magical.

See for yourself here; you can find the eagles here. And do note - the hummingbirds are on pacific daylight time (PDT) and the eagles are on central daylight time (CDT).

Have a beautiful day!

Telling My Story: Part I

My story.

It's not pretty or eloquent or melancholically desirable. It's also not so tragic as many things in this world. Countless individuals endure tremendous suffering in their lives, and I know that my experiences are not nearly as horrific or heartbreaking as, sadly, so many in this world are.

No. But it is my story. It is incredibly important to me – it has affected nearly every part of my life, my development, my relationships with others, my view of myself, and my perspective of the world.

And I share it with you now.

I beg you, sweet readers, to be gentle. Here I am baring myself to you, heart and soul, in the most terrifyingly vulnerable and fragile way. Be gentle. I have closed comments for this post, but if you would like to write me I would love to hear from you. You can contact me either here – it can be anonymous, but do leave your email address if you'd like a response – or email me at mypeacetree2 (at) gmail.com. If you have nothing kind to say, please quietly continue with your day and refrain from sharing your thoughts.

A small note: I have included a "jump break" in this post; this means that if you do not want or are not prepared to read a story about heartbreak, damaging mind games, emotional abuse, and depression, please skip this post and find other material to read for the day. If you are willing, please click "read more" below.

Hello Sunshine: Free eBook

Darlings, I made something for you.

It's a wee ebook, completely free, to inspire you and bring a bit of sunshine to you on days when you especially need it. It is eight pages long and holds both my own photos and quotes from previous posts. You can download it here!

I would ask that you please respect my work – don't share it without credit and certainly don't sell it, reproduce it, alter it, or claim the photos, words, or idea as your own. All that aside, I would love to know what you think!

Edit: just a small note – the preview in Google is of far lesser quality than the actual download!

I am She / die bin ich

It's a lazy, drizzly afternoon, and the grey sky is heavy, hanging just above the rooftops I see from my open window. The sounds of slow raindrops dripping, chirping birds, and the unintelligible chatter of children drift into my room, where I am soaking up the last days full of nothing before classes begin.

I painted last night. Working over a page thick with acrylics, I drizzled, fingerpainted, sketched, wrote. The result reminds me of a circus, somehow, or a carnival; the colors are bright, the circles are playful and seem full of movement. The text is in German: Kunstlerin is (female) artist and die bin ich means "I am she".

Recently I have been on a journey to rediscover my passions, inspirations, and dreams. With only a little more than a year before I graduate from college, the future looms near, full of possibility and responsibility, and I need to begin choosing a path to follow. I feel that this is a time of self rediscovery, of digging deep and remembering those things I love and have always loved.

Here are a few things I know for sure: 

• I am in love with Germany.
• Children and animals bring me tremendous joy.
• Issues regarding education are very close to my heart.
• I truly need, crave, and treasure time by myself.
• Early mornings are magical – but I rarely go to bed early enough to manage to get up to enjoy them.
• Design, photography, families, philosophy, and creativity interest me hugely.
• I am coming to realize that compassion in all aspects of life is something I value more than anything.

What do you know about yourself, dearest?

Twenty Four

Me, barefaced, my hair in vintage curlers.

Oh my – how to start to summarize a year so full of joy, tears, struggles, and courage? How to express how much I have learned and grown? How to reflect upon 366 days filled with so much life?

I arrive in my twenty fourth year humbled with gratitude: I am in a land that I love, with a man whom I love, experiencing awe and beauty and adventure on a daily basis. I have dreams, chances, opportunities, second chances, and an incredible support system. I am healthy. I am happy.

I am grateful for all that I have, yes, and I am also deeply proud of myself. I have taken leaping strides this year towards creating the life I have before merely dreamt of. And I want to declare it to the world, in part because I have worked so very, very hard to realize these truths: I am a lionhearted woman, compassionate, whole, good. I am worthy of love. I am worthy.

See the light in my eyes in the photo above? That is hope returning after a long absence. I welcome it so. I love who I am and who I am becoming. I really, truly do.

Happy birthday, dear Self. Here's to the rest of a lifetime.
All my love,

You

You. Darling, precious you.

Have heart.

You have a magnificently beautiful soul. You shine from the inside out, radiating light into a sometimes dark and lonely world, a beacon of comfort for others.

You are not – you have never been – broken.
You are stronger than anyone else I know. After stumbling over rocks in your path, you have stood up again and again and again, and you have continued forward with courage and power and will. You have scars.. but no: you are not broken.

And for all these reasons, and a thousand more, you are so so deeply loved - eternally, absolutely, unchangeably.

* * *

I have decided to, somehow, share my story. I expect it to take time to write; how long, I'm not sure. But it is time to share where I have been, where I have walked, and where I am journeying now.

Wishing you a beautiful week, loves!

PS. A few weeks ago I made a big change. Have you taken a look yet?